Organizers of the annual Kaikki Suomessa Nopeus Metalli-Rock Juhlapäivä announced today that the iconic summer music festival will be sponsored again this year by the Flignitz Developer Collective.
Speaking on behalf of the festival committee, Joumaan Heeklüürikken said, “We are extremely proud to have Developer Collective sponsorship, once again, especially after local authorities blamed the pyrotechnic malfunction at last year’s festival for consuming part of the town surrounding the festival park, including the municipal hall.”
Joining Mr. Heeklüürikken at the announcement was Francis ‘Che’ Ernesto, Vice President of Community Resource Outreach at the Flignitz Developer Collective. Reading from a prepared statement, which was obviously drafted by corporate legal counsel and vetted at the executive level, Mr. Ernesto said, “Our steadfast commitment to the social benefits of inclusiveness and diversity, through multi-cultural and gender-neutral celebration, remains unwavering. Nonetheless, the Flignitz Corporation does not officially endorse, condone, or otherwise sanction any acts of wanton arson or other purported destruction of public property, or vandalism of government edifices.”
